Anyway, today was just another long and tiring day. Managed to finish the FP assignment one...FINALLY... Haha...well, was toking to my mum about the trip to veitnam. I really wanna go..but i don't think she likes tt idea cos of the recent cambodia incident.. SOBSZ...

Looks like jess and gang will have to go without me.. Sorry guys...

HAI HAI HAI

Well... work was also very tiring..i was like running around the whole outlet. Sometimes i realli wonder y i work so hard too... plus the new staff did not do anithing. It was so frustrating..all they noe was to slack slack...n SLACK!!! irritating man...

but something freaky happened today. One of my collegues who has the "third" eye said he saw "something" in the storeroom...and tt like freak all of us out...hahaha..coincidentally, the whole outlet was filled with female staff tt day. Even this guy i was toking about, considered himself a girl... (gay) Anyways, all of us were like "no,i'm not going to the storeroom alone man..." hahaha...it was funni... soon we all forgot about it and wern't scared..

After tt, we closed shop n sat down to chat...my fren came by and asked us to help her do a survey. There were mani qnZ. and were veri farnie. One of the most funni qN. was --- What would u do if a bangladash came n sat beside u on the bus?

And the most stupid ans. came from my collegue... guess her ans??

It was.... " they smell like curry..i hate it cos they put coconut oil on their skin...Eee..."hahAHHA...like CRAXY la...

Aiya..aniway, i feel like sleeping already..NiteZ than..ahahaha...continue another day!!

Hmz..here i am updating my lil' bloggie again! haha...happy right!

Well weLL..today i went to catch a movie with my buddies Maria n Neo...hahaha...it was fun as the we- THE TRIO went on an outing for such a long time. We watch Mr n Mrs smith. N N n n n.... it was SUPERBLY cOOL!! oh man..the couple was like SO hot...hahaha...very pro..argh...now i'm dreaming of becoming a secret agent man...they fight with such an aura! Any way, just a piece of advise to the guys... NV, i say nv marry a woman who is a secret agent. This is unless u wanna get beaten up really bad during a quarrel. LOL
Haha, enough of that. Don't want this to become something like a movie review place or sth yea~

Anyway, really had alot of fun today. But the sad thing is that my dear apple is in GENTING... so SO so far away man...miss miss miss miss MISS, HIM... sad little me man...(@.@) I just can't wait for him to come home. lol...and hopes he gets a prezzie for mi!! yeah yeah... I HOPE ONLY LA... maybe he so blur n nv even buy man..but wat the heck...ahahahZ...nvm... coming home safely is the piority!

*SHOUTZ*
COME HOME NOW FAGGOT!!...N MISS ME BABY! =P

Miss my jess, lala n Xin too...wahahah...see u guys on mon... im drowning frm all the assignments man..hahaha..

plus all my Bro n Sis!!...
Get together some time kZ...must remeber the promise of staying BRO N SIS 4eva!!

Lastly, LOVE ALL U GUYS... TATA! (+.+) heeZ~

Dal - Folde~
Well, i'm now in the computer lab and have finally got a little time to add a bloggie for my site. It has been a long time...and "some" pple...are bugging me for an update..hahaah... wun mention names now. But i guess those pple knoe.

AnywayZ, poly life has been quite fun. I made many new friends, and especially my new close friends, Laura (LaLa), Jessica( Aunty) and YiXin( One Star). They have been my motivation to go to school these few weeks. Although we have only known each other for about 3 weeks, i feel like we've been friends for such a long time!!...really very happy to have met them. Without them, i think that poly life would have been SO BORING!

I really LOved the time when we went to go SHOpPing! It was really fun and we took many neoprient. Love the psychedelic one and the one with LAla as a cutie lil' flower gal. It's just sOoO cute! Too bad i can't post the pics onto the site cos it'll not be free if i subscribe for that. LOL...being a little cheapo here. Haha...

Aniway, today is softball day. Hope that it will be fun n that MR OH...will not be on "maternity leave" anymore...*winks*

Well..missing my dada now..but it's just too bad..i'm in the freaky school now..man i feel so tired..I WANNA GO HOME!! Hmz.. the IT lesson is boring..but i still have to bear with it for about another hour. BOOHOO..here i am going to throw a B.F

AIYO..i've decided to adapt to the aunty way, and that is to..... COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN!

Gotta sign off now..Jessica is going craxy over Wallace??...or watever..haha...crazy gurl...lol...Signing off now, todaloo!!

* Oh yea..gonna get a new HP soon...YeahS!! eh..ok..that's all folks...lol
MY GRANDMA STORY

HMz...well...got into School this month through the JAE. Haha...i must say that is is a real far place...kinda feels like Pulau Ubin too...but at least the pple there are realli fun man...i love my MI BBALL TeaM!!...they realli rock...ahahhaha...it's totally cool n the seniors are realli fun. But it's a pity that im withdrawing and going to another school...NP...

Anyway, i'll miss all my cool punky crazy friends!!

Well, got into the Early Childhood Education course in NP. gotta say its realli fun. hahah...kids like running around n Not to mention....SOOOOO cuteZ....Oh..love kids..not babies la...cos they dun talk n are even harder to handle...lol

GUess...i'll join NP BBALL gals team this time...

MY BBALL DREAM~ MVP all the way...YEA!

Well well ...guess i can say tt today was quite a fun day man...it all started with a phone call in the morning tt almost killed me..haha... i answerd the phone n Yilin was like blabbering about bball stuff and asking where i was..hahaha..after tt, the scary part came!!.... " hello, where are you!!..u noe wat time is it liao ma...hud...wan mi to ask u come at 11 then make u wait till 1pm ma!!..." this voice like boomed over the line..haha...after a while, i realized tt familiar voice was lao da de...hehehe...so paiseh eh...i noe it's not reali rite to always b late...but..u noe..our friends are time tyres... when u ask them to come at 11am...they onli come at 1 wat... not saying tt this is right behavior...i sincerely apologise for this bad habit of mine... but well.. some things can't b changed overnight... but i will change. Hope all will adopt this too..haha..then every one will b early in future!

WEee~..nx i finally reached the bball court...dunno y but i was super enthu today...could run around doing pull ups, sit ups, bball and climbing like a monkey with Yilin..heheh...it was FUN! Hmz..after we got bbQed by the hot sun...we went off from the len len shui court and went to RP -->( Republic Polytechnic). Curious y?...it was cos the guys had to go there to listen to a briefing for the converse 3 on 3 competition they joined. Well..the way to RP was a little tiring n tedious as we made some wrong turns and stuff..who was responsible..ehehe...we shan't mention names yea??

Besides tt, we even got to play bball at the RP court...which wasn't something tt good.. cos, we onli had four gals...n all the stranger guys wanted to play with us cos we had a ball...those aS*****les... hud hud hud.... onli wan our ball...once they had it, they like played their own thing..with OUR freaking ball????...

Anyway we finally left the place at ard 8 plus...it was so dark and was blind as a bat man...hhaha...blur blur... well we had expensive food at the cineleisure foodcourt for dinner and then made our way home...the ride on the MRT was damn funni...we kept suaning each other n were all noisy and laughing till our lungs were like so tired... Yilin, connie, jean, terry, mao mao chong and dada were there...it was realli fun...esp tt mao mao chong..huh huh...suan him back till he die....wahahahah.. * evil laughter!

Anyway, it was realli great today...had fun with all the peeps today..happi happy HAPPY!... hehe... too bad cherwei n moo moo did not sit the train with us...haha... But, wish them all the best for the competition...GO GO GO!! can win one...kill all those other teams...they...eheheh....SUCK! =X Oopz.... Also, tm is PHS anniversary...40 yrs already...cool yea... haha...just hope everyday is like today...life can b fun sometimes....=)

Well..it's been realli a long long LONG time since the last time i logged in here..haha...well, gotta say i was not in the best of spirits these few days..no No..in fact..these few weeks.. Hmz, first..it's bout the 'o' levels results...well, i did like not wat i had expected..but wat the hell, wat's done is done..i just have to forget and let fate take it's course..aniway, that was already wat i have been doing..since like..forever??

Anyway, been bumming around lately, and as usual feeling idiotic and irritated by my own pathetic life...haha haha... Eh, i'm mad..aniway, i think i have metemorphasized and tried to change n smile more...haha.. well...that's a good thing right? But life is realli feeling happier wen there are smiles around. It is totally diff. I mean like..better... hahah... and i got onli one person to thanks for this...a fruity cute person..that i some times suffocate...*winkZ.. heh heh heh...

THE LONG STORY

But first let mi ponder over how was the life before i learnt how to look things in a diff perspective..(Kan Kai). I was feeling very dejected and horrible everyday...it was like i was alone and STUPID especially...this was due to my results... and Y was i feeling this way??...problaby because pple laughed rite in my face and said my results sucked, and they expected it...ORh man...wanna kill them...who the hell do they think they are..aniway, it's my life..who are THEY to comment...HUH!? Doing badly was not wat i choosen..it was just due to some "unforseen Circumstances"... Aniway, i'm suffering..so wat are they sniggering bout rite... Faggots... *humphZ...

Besides this.. there was the friends issue..felt like i was rejected yea..mainly cos i worked most of the times during the 3 months... it was like i was forgotten by most and onli vaguely remembered. No one talked to me anymore and no one bothered to ask mi out..it was reali like we drifted apart..well...that all set me thinking..'wat were friends realli for'? hmZ...but then..i was advised to let it go..and luckily, i listened to the advise.... i mean..i'm not a anger person..so i forgive n forget easily...just hope others, especially my friends are the same kind..i dun wan all to end up as naught...HI-BYE friends...= not the type of friends i want..or even need...

Hmz, also, there was also work probs..pple bullied me and didn't give me the respect or any appreciation for the matter of fact..those lil' ass's just use pple and F**K'ing hell..i'm not gonna let them just do tt...gonna get them man...ahahahah....

So, i guess this was about the END OF STORY now...of course alot of other things built up in me...but i guess i've to learn to let go...well..that's wat life's all about..And i noe...no one like some attitude sulkly gal rite..ahahaha... well, no worries...jas is always nice...wahahaha..BHB... *nice guy pose!

Signing off now yea....See u guys tm Bball at 369, 1pm...the MANAGER is back! (^.^) WooYea~

Xiao Chou Yu...
Xiao Chou yu..xiao chou yu.....
Guess i'm reali one..
*sob Sobz..

Today was supposed to b fun...but i can't like fake any smiles..i must say that i have been under alot of pressure lately... though i seem like happi n do everything like normal...

Hai hai...watever..life cannot always be about me rite?...
haHAha...i give up... Lo taR...

hmZ...now it has been the hols for quite sometime... aniway, did not enjoy it much though...life is getting boring..everyone is busy in their own world.. for mi..i'm bound to work life.. again.. Hahaha...got a job at this cafe "Secret Recipe" at Junction 8..Woo...well, it's hard work n the pay is only okay... hahaha..feel like i wanna quit it..but the pple there are realli nice n funni...i like tt environment...although the customers can gget touchy n irritating sometimes...ahaha...

aniway, just came home from the so- called Bball session.. not many pple turned up..but i felt it was already sufficient... i'm getting used too the "little" grp nowadays... its true tt sometimes...too big a grp can get on your nerves. eSp. if u gotta solve all the proBs in between...man...it's tiring... but truthfully, i dun realli know wats going on man... i onli see everyone falling out n becoming bastards... dunno if that's yhr correct description...but..that's wat i feel...

I just get the feeling that they just wanna vent their bitter lives on others..dun understand y they can't just let go...be happi n NV... NV treat friends like SHIT... maybe i'm just being over sensitive... but i think i gotta like highlight this....jokes shld not b carried too far ba... hmZ...kk no more crappping bout this...

Can't say that i've been in the best mood myself... i'm stuck with this stupid irrirtatin ache...haIZ!!....HATE IT!!!.... ArrgZ...gotta go now...update later... *FaintZ....

OOOOOOHH!!!!!....MAN!!!!! YEAHS!!!!!!!! It's finally over!...wahaahahahah....the stupid O LEVELS..gone...and gone for gooD!!

hahahaha....can't help but feel so elated man...i'm crazy...mad till i dropped by in orchard and shopped till i drop....hahahaha...my legs are so hurting now man..

OOoo....too happi to stay here n type around..wahahaha...tata...time to plan the ELEMENT training schedule and the reform plans...also the chalet thingy, prom and all the events that are gonna be up n coming...Wooyea...the job of a manager nv ends manZ....haahah... Bbb....

Hey yoZ, here's just a little bulletin for all who visit's this place:

Hey 2H peeps,

Anyway, just sending all of u this msg to inform u all bout the 2H only chalet that will be going on during the holidays. But i wanna first state that the chalet would be held from after 2 Jan onward. So i hope that those interested would contact me. i'm not sure if those going to the 3 months JC can attend. So pls keep me informed bout tt too.

Erm, ok, there'll be a BBQ too..lol.. and to make all of this possible..we of course and obviously, need a small contribution from all who are going. haha.. i made an estimation and it has added up to a sum of bout $ 30 plus. Erm, this includes all for the BBQ and staying of chalet.

Ok, contact me, for those who are interested at 90886671 or through email, MSN, watever..haha

Promise it'll be one memorable trip!! Reply A.S.A.P yea! Cos I need to book n plan the whole thingy. Oh yea, pls help spread to all other 2H pple that did not recieve this mail. Thanks!

Take Care All.
............................................................

Haha..ok, then i'll start the entry here. Hmz..tm is gonna be the last day of my O levels already..it's faster then i expected. Guess i'm gonna be missing school..but not now la..i'm gonna enjoy the NO school life for awhile. hahah...then i'll be on either to repeat the exams or move on to higher education. lol.. i'm not crapping here..but i realli realli know i flunked maths or maybe even science... BoohooZ...

Well..it's over aniway, wats the use crying over spilled milk rite?... i'm gonna look at the future now. i've learnt to be more optimistic although i'm an elephant...wahha... heckZ..now i'm onto my JIAN FEI ji hua le... i'm gonna be that surfer babe man..!! wahaha...ok, i'm also kinda crazy...lol..

HMz, just went for some exercise in my neighbourhood..ran a few rounds and was like dead tired...not to mention, those dogs in the neighbourhood chased me like hell..lol.. but luckily most of them were behind fences..Phew!! aniway, feeling numb in the legs..now gonna start training my arms to slim..lol..gotta do some stuff like MSN n typing, push ups, skipping n stuff..i'm realli such a desperado when it comes to slimming down..man.. but all the effort still seems nought... but i have to make it...let mi choose a few idols to work towards to...

1) Pamela Anderson
2) Fiona Xie
3) Mrs Yeo
4)...eh..Connie?

hahaha....well..nahZ...forget bout this..hahaha...it's an illusion...whahaha... SHAO DIAO!! i'm gonna be myself.. train to become prettier and slimmer than all the babes mentioned..haha...Well, this is enough for the JIAN FEI plan i guess...ahahha...

Hmz, aniway, since tm i'll be free straight after the science MCQ, i am going to shop with Maria...but of course, it's window shopping for me. lol...i'm totally broke..not even a single cent. Wonder how i'm going to school tm..my farecard also no cash in it..damn...

Oh man...but i have so many things to buy man...oh well, guess i'll have to forget them..*sobz..hahaha... Ok, anyway, totally waiting for prom n not waiting for prom eh..hahaha..it's like exciting..but not that appealing at the same time. Somehow, i've lost interest to do anithing in life now..i even feel weak wen playing bball..it's just like i've no heart to do anithing..wat i like now, is to be a bummer n slack at home..Oooh...and that's bad..hahaha. wonder wat i can do during the break..

I'm sure gonna find a job and work to hell...must earn money back..if not, i'll be so dead man...hahaha...a woman must also be independent n not rely on others to support them..well..that's wat i believe in la.. hahaha..so u can rest assured that i dun have a joint account somewhere k...lol...

wahaha..ok la..seems like my fingers have typed alot already..haha..kinda tired already. hahAH...guess i'll end here then go work out on the "Hand's Routine" yea...!! JIA YOU! hahaha... no more elephantities from today onwardS!!... the new me will be born!

*evil laughter!
Be afraid..be VERY afraid....
muahaahAAha!~

WoahZ...hiyea... ytd was realli one tiring day man.. i went for a function at the Pan-Pacific hotel.. it was a company annual dinner n dance type of event. Haha..n since i was an emplayee before n my mum and bro are working there, i was kinda like on the guest list. LOL... aniway, that whole thing was damn fun. not to mention, the food was great... i was like stuffing myself!!..OopZ~ =X

Haha..aniway, the host was this funny guy from the company...Called Jasper..wahahaha...damn idiot one la...he went to dye his hair like grey n wore red sunglasses..hhaha...like kinda act shuai...lol.. he keep on sabo'ing all the peeps there...n that was like funni...hahaha...i wun hub on this too much le la..lol...guess u all are scratching ur heads thinking wat the hell i'm toking bout rite.. haha

Aniway, the most funny thing is that we all went to a disco after the function...i slipped in although i'm underage...lol... well, all the pple got dead drunk..hahaha...n yea..today all pon work..hahaha... esp. Jasper...promised my mum he'll buy the things needed for work today..and now where is he??...sleeping...hahaha... ok la...dun talk about this le...

Aniwayz, my poor ke lian dada is taking the chem exams today..wanna wish him luck man.. JIA YOU!!..hahaha. hope that he does well for this exam man... n also i hope i also do well...i like screwed up...n i mean SCREWED up all the papers...i dun wanna see all the results in Feb next yr man...lol...oh man...

Well...but i guess i gotta face reality aniway...hahah..till then... i'll play my heart out!!..yea, MVP training and my jian fei ji hua! wOo yeaZ! hahah...

hmZ. today was kinda a bball day, well, just know that i got my face burnt up..haha..it's kinda swelling like a red tomato...hAHha...dunno how it got there also..that damn sun... BooHoo..burn me till i chao ta... haha... Huida says fair pple het a larger chance of getting skin cancer. Dunno if that's true..but wat the heck. Better b safe than sorry yea...haha

Aniway, it was kinda tiring n everything...the sun burnt my face and all my energy..so tired n just feel like sleeping now..haha...oh no, i'm such a piggy man..lol.. Err..but it think i'll eat tons of food before i go sleep..lol.. Food fOoD FooD!! WooYea~

Haha..well thats crap..aniway, just wanna say that WOODGROVE pple...esp. The team SHINOBI guys SUCK!!.. They so ER XIN ER XIN!! EEEEeeeEEEeee..... If u guys ask mi y..hmZ..i can just say that they are a bunch of POSERS that act cool, ARSES that dun give pple the respect they deserve and a DAMN RUDE IRRITATING N DISGUSTING Grp... we...this applies to some members..guess not all are as irritating...but i tell u..they sucks la aniway..lol... Complain complain complain!!... Oh yea..dun like them cos they call themselves - SHINOBI....

SHINOBI = NINJA
which is super cool for me..i dun think they deserve such a cool name..haha...hate em'! They dun have the right!!

ARrgzZ...watever about them...hope i dun see them ever..lol... break a leg or sth man... OopZ..im so evil..lol..=X

hahAh... toking bout feet...man..mine's like swelling..both my poor little toe's are purple with bruises...AwWw... so sad... haha...man...they hurt and i can feel the peircing pain they give me... oh ma..hope they heal...if not, i can't wear nice shoes for prom... i'll be injured...that suckZ... hahaha....

lastly, wanna tell someone...*ehem...Love him lots...wahahaha....i'm crazy..but wat the heckz..hahah.... ok la...dun kill u'all le...lol..
tata~

Hmz..well..today is just a sunday..all i knoe is that the freaking math paper 2 is due tm.. i'm soooo DOOMED man..i think that i may have to retain or reDo maths again..oh man..this sucks.. how how how..i'm so frantic.. i realli am kinda lost now..haha..

Oh man..enough of crapping..guess i'll update laters...

Haha...woAh..not been here like forever now..well.. now, the time frame is in the midst of the O's.. currently listening to "Welcome to my life" by simple plan..it's so me man...hahaha...

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desparate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
With no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like, what it's like

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

HaHa..i'm kinda lame and feeling hyper now..but then, i think that i'll like introduce to u peeps a new animation first..it goes by the name of NARUTO! OoH yea....this is such a cool flick..i wanna b a ninja too man.. aniway, a brief summary of the plot is that it takes place in a little village and there are super ninja kids that have cool powers.. it is soooo touching n cool...totally worth watching..but just to mention, this anime is over 100 or maybe 200 episodes..ahaha...totally soap...well, just be prepared for all the action packed scenes!!

Hm..nx topic la, guess u all loose focus le rite! Well, on to the O level stuff... well think tt i screwed up all the papers man..lol..well...lets not tok about tt already...lol...

Hm..in depression now..welcome to my life... lol... tata al.. see u all after the O levels le la...hhaahaa...!

DUHZ... i'm so lame.. i really don't know wat to do with myself man.. i just feel lonely.. n SIAN la.. i dunno why i am overcomed by that feeling.. just no idea... well..currently, i'm just online.. no one to tok to and no one toks to me.. does this happen to everyone?..or is it just me?...maybe i'm too sensitive to this issue of PR.. A.K.A public relantions... but wat the heCk..haha..

Anyway, it was a veri boring day for my..had rice n curry... hmZ, still hungry though.. i'm on my wwAayy..TtToooo...PaARkInnsooOnsSs.. Whoo..fine..dun play around already.. hmZ..but i gotta say that mum's curry was so tasty!!.. i guess that it was the onli thing that had perked my day up. As for the time before i ate the curry...i was just slacking n thinking wat's he doing..n whether he was fine.. Oh man.. i'm so useless..

But actually..maybe it's because i feel kinda insecure.. i ask myself many questions n i dun noe any answers... some are irrelevant and stupid n sometimes i feel that i should know the answers.. i dun wanna brood about it much..but i can't help it..i tell myself to have faith.. but is it enough.. Stupid questions like.."would he have loved me if he did not know i loved him in the first place" and... "Am i reali that insensitive n stupid to not understand his feelings" go around in my head.. It's not that i always blame myself.. but i think that maybe i could have done better.. n I feel that i could..if i tried hard enough..

Perhaps i need to buck up.. both in relationship n studies.. haiZ..this is tough.. i just wonder how much of him do i realli understand.. i always seem to be the problem huh..how..i am not treating him good enough apparently.. oh maNZ.. how to treat u better.. tell mi tell mi...

But nvm...i hope this can be figured out soon.. i'll go back to spacing out now..

Hmz... well, first i gotta explain my mood swings man..dunno wat has come over mi..i have just become this frustrated irritating idiot who makes pple angry sad or watever..i just make pple feel bad..haha

Aniway, i just wanna explain that i've kinda recovered a little n admit that some of the entries contain a few episodes of just frustration...it was like i was going into a B.F!!.. thats y i needed to write " a letter" here.. well..just wanna say that i dun realli blame anione animore.. i've got over it..it was partially my fault too for just keeping quiet n putting a facade... ehx.. dun feel bad..everyone.. i was bull-shitting... but hope tt i wun go into this again.. hope i heal n cheer up... also hope the stress will not change a person.. Just wanna tell all that we should work hard tgt n not put each other down..GANBATTE!! This should be the spirit.. no one is insensitive..it's just the amt. of effort they put in to understand others..that can be cultivated..

I just realised that stress is a killer component.. i kills a person's character bit by bit..this is to such an extent that the person himself or herself does not even realise.. its scary man.. and i guess that it is one of the main reasons y pple fall apart n have misunderstandings created between themselves... Hmz..i just wanna chill out man..

Hmz..enuff bout this part...well.. the starting of sch was such a disaster for me man..i feel WEAK!! First thing tt got mi down was him telling me not to wait for him... haiZ.. i dun mind de... Arh..but thats fixed now.. haha.. so cute so cute...

Ehz..ok ok..diabetes.. but aniway, here's the waek part.. since im kinda anaemic.. i can't stand in a position too long..i get groggy, faint and wanna puke.. like today..i was bad! That idiot miss lim...stand wat stand..she almost killed me man... i totally blacked out.. almost fainted..oh no..im so weak..*sob.. this was wen i could not stand it n sat down... haiZ...y am i so sick de huh?..

Low sugar blood level always gets mi into trouble man.. aiyo!!

Well.. i can't say tt ytd was so good as well.. a little small conflict...got mi all lame n stuff.. i was just crazy.. but that was also fixed throughout the order of the day.. lol.. that made mi happi.. Ok...so the results sucked la..hahha...nv met my mama's expectations...well.. i sucks at studies aniway.. maybe i should go b a maid or sth..lol...get paid at least..haha..

Oh yea.. saw my puppy in school today looking so depressed too man..haiz..so sad for him...the sir feed him too much cat food le la..hahah..ke lian!! aniway, just wanna ask him to cheer up... yea.. dun b sad over stuff le la.. come to mdm..i cheer u up n play fetch man!..good stuff.. Hmz.. aniway, i hope all heals as time passes..jia you..i noe that u can do it k!

Hahah...well think i'm gonna eh my lameness here... oh yea..just a small bulletin!... tm.. 2 months..yea... =) heEZ!!~

hey yo..well, im now in the damned school computer lab..decided to log in n type some entry cos i am so SIAN now... just got my combined science back.. i confirm FAILED... oh man...im so in depression now..the worst thing is that i had to continue and do this paper on F&N... Well..everyone seems so happi now..doing their paper n laughing out on me..well.. they all passed well aniway... haiZ...

Aniway...im so bored now..gotta hand in the paper soon..haiz hai...sad life...
bye...

haiZ, shoulD i say i'm in depression or wat man... i'm so lao hong one la... failed the damned physics..and this pulled down my combined science mark to a pathetic ..49.5 marks... well..can say i expected it to be even lower..maybe a single digit..but i did better then expected.. but wat the..i still failed..man...this sucKs..

Worst thing was that made me feel lousy was when others were so sacastic man... when the results came back.. it was either a pass or fail..so y bother to wait n feel the angst longer??...y not face up to reality n not scream n whine to others saying u will fail..n the worst thing is to hide the paper away n not look at it..n then..CONTINUE to whine to others... this is so damned... especially wen i n yilin just somply looked at the paper..closed it n sighed.. we resigned to fate..aniway..it is over already. u can't go back n do the paper agn..so wats the use crying over spilt milk rite??

But the climax was wen they finally opened the papers n found out.." eh..i passed"..it sucks man...makes me feel more lousy compared to them..plus it was demoralising... humiliating kinda..hmZ...maybe this was too exagarating..haha..but oh ya...back to the short story.. they would change mood immediately..n start asking everyone marks..n start comparing..they would force ur marks out even if u dun wanna tell.. not onli this..they wun tell u thiers if u got higher..its like..??

But watever..i think its just my jealousy n mood swings that made me so frustrated bout this..but it'll pass..aniway.. im not a person that holds on to the past long.. i think? haha..aniway, i forgive her since she bought earings for mi out of good will...oh man..im so materialistic..diaoZ..haiz..sometimes i dunno if i love her or hate her...lol...

Forget schoOl....
my L1R4 is like over the mark already..

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well...dunno y the mood swings... but it seems mani others are getting it too... been toking to dada n he was also so frustrated bout the results...hope he feels better soon...i can't do anithing but try cheer him up by laming n crapping...well.. im using all ideas i can..hope it helps..

Since the O's are so close, i guess that he n the others are all stressed up... mi included.. espcially with the cruel reality of the prelims results...Cheer all..thats all i can say now..i'm, running out of encouragin words..worring bout others n care n concern for others... how how how.. n i'm feeling so insecure bout my self now..like y am i so ugly..so uncute..so stupid..so fat and everything compared to others... they are so nice, caring..n everythin... haiZ...im outa my mind now...

Well..watever..forget bout the superficial stuff...reflect...

i guess theres onli one thing that cheers mi up..and thats the thought of him.. n prom night..lol! can't help it..totally feel bimbo n stuff..this is so exciting... the best time to spend with everyone for the last night of our sec sch life... we..our class gals are booking a room n staying overnight at the hotel... it'll be so cool doing our hair, clothes and watevr tgt...ahah...Oh no...i can't wait to see those pretti gals n gowns..it'll be so "cinderella story"!.. can't wait..he'll sure look sOO cute in a suit..haha..well... i guess i just gotta dream n hope it comes true..

signing off then...

hMZ...today was super slacky day at home man.. i did nothing and like woke up at 1?? real wasted man! hmZ..decided to change the colour of my diary today... lighten up the mood..although i'm feeling a little dull..

Well... dunNo y..but i'm just so bored...

Can't wait for tm..yea..i suddenly am so into guitar man.. jean n xuan will b bringin their stuff to sch..yea..can't wait to hear them play..it'll be so nice..ahaha...so fun n nice to listen to.. Oh man..falling in love with guitar..

The best thing is that mum said tt she'd buy a guitar for me n sax n repair my organ!! yes!...ahahaha...i realli can't wait..

hmZ...think i'll update later..gtg catch a bite..rumbling!~

hmZ...well went for bball today..guess that there were onli a few pple cos i did not realli go call pple...it was the ATTITUDE ya noe..ahaha... i felt that i need not b the one who rallies the peeps in...decided to let others do the contacting...although it's kinda the job of the manager= me, i decided to like take a mini break n not call for once...ahah...

Aniway, it realli turned out the a handful of us turned up. There was like thomson, jam, alan, me, jean, connie, xuan and Yilin. pple who promise...as usual..nv appeared..haha..but wat the heck..we had quite a craxy time today too... although pple left as the day went by, it was still fun. Me, xuan n connie was like learning how to play the guitar frm jean..oh man...she is SO PRO!!...new idol!... ahah...how i wish someone would just play the guitar or watever nice instrument just for me..ahaha..that will be like so nice..AwWw...

Well, we were playing the guitar at the playground n it was so funni cos we were music idiots n used like 3 hrs, but could not even be able to master anithing!!..haha.. but this was a new experience for me.. a day fun with not oni bball...

Made my way home today at around 5..was rushing home to meet my mum for some dinner she wanted me to accompany her to. the "party" was filled with old geezers n i was totally bored...missed him like millions the whole time... dunno y..but just had that feeling in my heart...it was kinda torturing man...to miss him so much n not be able to see or even tok to him cos of that dinner... i did not even get to eat much..totally hungry now too...ahaha.. saw weird pple there man..but watever... haha...

I rushed home n did not even finish the dinner...but sadZ man...think he fell asleep waiting for me...haha... so cute.. but i still miss him..lol..hope can dream of him today...i dreamt of him ytd..lol...we were like playing bball in this field n i was so lousy..but he was pro.. we were surrounded by some sunflowers n a nice blue sky with fluffy clouds..ahaha..so nice..but too bad..i was awoken by the alarm... immediately i shot it off n wanted to resume my nice dream..n that resulted in making me late for the bball at 9..oh man... disappointed him agn...

Anyway, moo moo is having trob with cel..hope that he 'jia you' and we'll hear good news soon...haha.. i support ya bro..she's a nice gal! just a little more, or after the O levels...sure u can do it man..YEAH! WoOho..ahaha...

As for dear rong boi..dun always b depressed...there are mani other wonderful things in the world..love is onli one of them.. wan u to noe, i'll still support n be happi for u no matter wat decision u make. just b happi always n smile more...crapping is a good way to release the stress man!! haha..

Xuanny..was glad to hear u are coping better now..happi that u actualli came bball today. just wan u to noe..ur bball is not bad att all..PRO gia lo...hahah...can pass my MVP to u soon liaoz..ahaha. Dun always depressed also la.. still got all of us ard to add sunshine to u man..awhaaha... rmb i'm still ur helpline k...free of charge one...

PS.. feel free to call my helpline man..ahah..anione..just not open to ani pet monkeys or wild animals.. feeling dharmic man..wahahah...

k k...im off to dreamy land now...tata!~

hey yoZ diary...hmZ...gotta say tt my mood has kinda changed for the bette the past few days.. lol. Well..i spent the whole day making my dear claSsies pple sign n write wome lil' comments on our class piCs...ahaha...felt happi bout tt and love all the comments man..gota say i got a good bunch of pple as friens on class...

Aniway, guess my mood was like more changed as i spurged on gifts today?..wenT SHOPPING!!.. hm, it was so tiring..but quite fun.. well..he made mi laugh at him most of the time with his cute gestures..hahaha... i was nice n a relief to kinda laugh it off...i can say i was quite contained and kept all my sunshine in me for the past few days.. man..love him...haha..

Hmz, Singapore Idol just finished man...haha..my fav two are so funni n cute...Daphane and sylvester...lol..so niceE!! wan them to win man..ahha..gonna vote tm.. must get in till at least top 5 man!! HAVE TO!..oh no..i'm like going crazy...ahahahah...

hmZ...agn..not feeling on top of the world man...in fact i feel terrible!...can't help but use the word --> USELESS

Well...first..was the ZOO episode today..i was like ANTI to the whole word as i made my way through the Zoo with my girlfriend... it was not as fair weathered as i pictured it to b...but i gotta say that it was quite nice to just stare into blank space n listen to the rain.. ALONE.. aniway, actualli i was planning to spend time with more frens...but the apparent appearence of some pple made me feel not as elated..n i decided to just go off on my own..guess it was better then pull a long face here n there rite?? wonder if my reasons for all these tantrums are valid or just stupid selfish reasons...

I just can't stop feeling irritated whenever they appear...i dunno wat to say to them or act ard them..all i can do is to reboot.. a switch-off effect is best... i should just use the same technic they used on me.. hm, i think i'm selfish...

But whatever...i DUN CARE..do i...

Ytd was totally hilarious.. i was on MSN when this person came to me n started preaching about the wrongs i did n how to improve them.. WTF man...i wanted to like slap that ass...can't stand it..who the hell does he think he is to come preach n tell mi not to care about "others"..wen he is the bloodly reason for the conflict... the shit thing is tt he came round n told me wat shit crap about me not being in a iniform grp n not noeing how to bloody plan things..

Hey..c'mon man..if u're so good at it..U GO DO THE CRAP... i QUIT! y should i always b the one to call all the pple..SMS till my bill explode..get scolded by my parents cos of the bloody bill... organize all the bball crap..outings n stuff??...HUH... i wish i was one of those who could choose if they wanted to come..or b the one to ask others to the work... y wanna use my time n energy to do all these n plan everything for others??

Guess that now the message is y this gal is harping over this simple issue n making a mountain out of a molehill... simple...i'm not magnanimous...i can't forgive n forget...as easily like b4...i mean...y should I??

Aniway, forget about this thing for now...just ask him to F***ing hell get away frm me...the sight irkS me...im now evil..i dun care animore...y bother about his feelings animore..obviously im the one always at fault..

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Aniway today's bball match was kinda disappointing...DAVID house..the one he was playing for lost... well..maybe cos he did not realli get a chance to play..it was quite wasted..i didn't believe tt they would loose to some ametuer grp.. i mean...they have a lot of PRO's in the team eh..

hm..guess that's just too bad man...but wat to do..its just an inter house champ com..doesn't reali matter much does it...

But the thing tt got me a little down was that i went all the way back to sch to wait for him..but he was SIAN.. instead... can't blame him though..cos i noe he wans to play bball n stuff..well..i guess i'm so selfish.. but y is he some times such a wood block?? wen i tell him stuff like.. " ok lo...u go play" or " go play..nvm..." he realli does it...haha...that's so blur...although it's cute n all...its like he doesn't realli get my msg...

HAha...but nvm bout this..can work on it..i have faith n patience... it must work out... it has too...its all i have left...hAIz... can't ever get angry with him..so i doesn't realli matter rite..

OooO...today is another bad day added to the recorD man..feeling like so HORRIBLE... it suCks to be sick..my head is pounding..my heart is weak..even the thinking is blurrEd..as im typing this out..my hanDs are also tremblinG..i gotta disease man...

Aniway, didn't go to sCh today...huifen also didn't go..felt bad for PS'ing all the pple in sch.. but i must say tt i was not veri keen on going to sch aniway... although my motivation is there.. there are also mani things i dun wanna face theRe.. i am a person that runs away from reality..i dun face it.. a COWARD...

Well, i guess my fever was kinda accounted for because i thought alot last night... think too much always get the stupid fever one...hahA.. well, im now thinking agn..but not about bad stuff..about him la.. miss him so muCh..i guess he's all i have now... when almost the whole worlD has their backs turned on me...

aniway, tm is the visit to the Zoo thingy...i think i realli need to vent my frustrations to the animals.. throw n feed them all the 10-yr series...lol...*EVIL


Aniway, here was a piece of advise i got frm a frienD:

all i can conclude is tt everyone have their own problem.....but is unhealthy to put problem in de mind all de time......dun think of anithing at all(althougthis sound like a mindless person whom do not know how to think)but it can raelli help...

Guess i gotta start taking it...

hm..well ytd was the mooncakE feStival..can't say that i was in the beSt of mooDs foR it..firstly..i did all the shiT organizing..both for the morning bball n the night mooncake event.. n in the end..wat did i get?? just everyone shoving down my throat..making me call here n there..this was not suCh a proB..i didn't mind doing the calling n stuff... but the worsT thinG was that i got scolded by pple and was kiNda made to clear the meSs n shiT up foR everYone.. not literally..but the nonsense they gave...

i couLd say that i was freakInG piSsed..but didN't realli wannA damPen the spiriTs of the othErs who were more ok n trying to help Out..so i like kinDa kepT my piSsed off face after awhile of sulKing.. aniWay..i am now officially damNed to the naMe of being cruel n stuFf..EVIL..for "hating" someone... i just dun understand it.. i already tried so hard not to.. n i dun't..its just tt..sometiMes.. thAt person is like abiT unreasonable...n i was like already fed up with mani things... i didn;t realli mean to hate the person..it was just a casual remarK..but whatever..i think this doesn't matter.. y shlD i care.. i've decided i wanna b selfish...y shLd u care...

After all...after all this...i suffer the most..n that suCks..i get like scolded..ignored..deemed as an irritating specimen..i'm realli tired..i dun think i even give good advise..or have ani advise to give..im USELESS..thats wat i feel aniway.. i feel like a doormat..pple come to me wen in need n kick me or turning arD n stabing me wen they need mi no more... thiS huRts..

Well..ytd..i was also disappointed with this person..who PROMISED me sth..n in the end..nv turNed up for anithing she promised me... kinda sad n stuFf.. i hate a promise to b broken... wats more..she said she'd b there 99%... but she nv did turn up... i get sick n tired of this.. i dun wanna persuade animore...it's siCk man.. y shD i bother when pple dun take it seriuosly..just an emPty promiSe to shut mi up n stop mi frM hounding them... Oh watever...nvm...

Well..it was just quite a bad day i suppose...family life was not exactly peaceful since forever.. Arh..dun waNna tok abouT animorE..just hopE all enDs sooN...

I feel siCk of this..wat's .liFe to me..

A SUmmary:

1. Meaningless
2. Being treated as a doormat
3. Being taken for granted
4. A facade...

I just feel that a whole lot of pple around me are also hurting..i dun mean to b selfish..

Well...hope this worlD will heal soon... hope my wounDs wiLl disappear before i change to this horrible person that hates the worLd...

Oh..just nvm...i just hopE that special little flame in my heart keeps me staYing n will nv go off..hoPe my light shinEs through.. n keeps me going...please...

Yoz..hHAhz...well..today is that jeaNS bdaE man..lol..bai chi jie mei hor.. well..aniway, wanna wiSh her a biG happi bdae!!..lol...hope u like tt present i gave to...

Hmz, this month alot of bdaes manZ...lol...dunnO wat to do..im always brOke at this timE of the year..hahah... well..happPi bdaE to fiOna too..lol..bdaEs tm..

WISH U ALL THE LOVE N LUCK IN THE WORLD!!

hmZ..well, today marked the enD of my torture in school as the preliems are kinda unofficially closed..there's just 2 pieces of MCQ papers for me tm..haha..think i'm gonna throw the dice for all of them man..lol aniway, in a suPer good moodie..

Can't wait for tm n i can go buy presents for jean n also go vince's house n touch the piano..well i noe the playing suCks..but..haiZ...miss the feeling man... it's like i forgot how to play and wat songs to play.. im just listening to some classical songs now n am feeling kinda into it..hm, dunno wat im toking about... aniway, it somply means the musiC is great n so moving...realli can bring tears when u listen to it with ur heart..Oopz..wat am i crapping again..shitty..lol

Aniway, here i am updating my blog while he is slogging away with A math.. must say that he looked realli stressEd up n stuff today weN i saw him.. n that kinda hurt.. just feeling heart broken ba..maybe im a lil' too sensitive or wat..but i can feel the intensity of the stress level man.. hope that he wun b so stressed after tm.."jia you"..these are the onli pathetic worDs i can say to him..am i useless or useless lo.. i dunno wat to do man..wOnder wat is the best mediCine for strEss?.. some times i just get the feeling that im not needed by him too.. cos if i am there, i'll kinda cos "trouble"... like today..he is all stressed up n there's nth i can do abt it... AiYA.. how.. can't bear to see the streSsed up face animorEz.. there's nth i can dO... *help.. but the face so cute la..wahaha

HMz, dun say " haiZ" to me animore...ahah..i tink im gonna throw tt out the dOor..Ooo..i'm craxy..NVM...juSt say.. love u love u can le la..wahah... SIAOZ....

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weLL, there's juSt one worD to descriBe how i'm feeling now..n thats.."HAIZ....."....

FeelinG so doWn man... i'm doing all the wrong things...haiZ...begot forgivness... hopE that its bestowed.. haiZ...nvm... im just insensitive...

=(...

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well, a continuation now... at least i'm feeling a little better now... just got off the phone with him.. gotta say that the consolation made me feel better.. i gueSs tt if he didn't call i woulD have beeN like cryng n blaming myself for everything.. but now i'm just sorri for making him feel so sad too.. i no longer wanNa cry..i'm tireD of it.. guess that this was contributed partly by my past experience ba... he kinda like used me and caused me to like loose trust in guys n wat they say.. i 've been thinking that i was stupiD n i am afraid to open up too much now in fear of getting burnt agn...

Think that i have to trust more.. i'm sorri that i was selfish and still clung on to the past...i should have known he was different...

but now i noe..i'm gonna change..no more secrets to myself..i hope tt i can slowly open up more..plZ b patient.. no longer wanna keep all the inner feelings i have.. i'm just tired n feel tt its unfair..i dun wan ani more pain...

Just hope i am forgiven... i dun wan this to affect his feelings n thinking too... Dun tell mi Sorri... i dun deserve it...

And..i swear now..i wun go do all those stupid things tt i mentioned..like the flats.. dun worri bout me. i'll be fine... after this sleep... n lastly..just wanna say that i love him so much.. cannot n will not leave him..have faith n trust in me.. i mean it..

P.S do not feel guilty or anithing plZ... i will return to my normal self.. soon enuFf.. i;ll be happi..like i promised.

wahHAzz... today is the start of the weekenDs!! yeay!... great mood today man..just can't help but keep smilinG..lol..like an idiot..but..wat the hell..i dun care..hahaha.. aniwaY, caught this great lamey bimbo movie toDay..lol "Dodge Ball"...this is a damn funNi shoW man..u guys shoulD go catch it man..haha...it'll sure crack u up!! lol...

Hmz...aniway, it was quiTe a great day todaY man.. the examS were liKe oveR for the WeEk..today, im jusT goNa relaX n destreSS!! tm, i'll continue with the hassles...hahaHAz...yeay..week end week enD...great man.. Oopz..did i say tt alreadY??.. hMZ...abit out of tunE today manZ... too stressss i guess...mayb it's cos i totalli given up on preliemZ..lol

Well, it was also quite a loNg timE sincE we went hoMe tgt too..i mean to my housE la.. haha..shaunG eh.. miSs those dayS..lol..im soOo lamE la.. but great, today had nicE weather n stuFf..it was nice to jusT walk hoMe..haha..
wonder y it nV rains when we go home tgt...it always does when im alone lo...so unlucky one!! y huH huH huH!!

LOL...ok la...im not gonna carry on beinG lame la...tata then